Merry Christmas!

Well it's the last holiday of the year and what have I been doing? Well, my brother was in KL for the weekend till Christmas, so on the early morning of 25th Dec, we went to Midvalley for brunch then to Garden for some shopping before seeing him off there. He went back to SG using the newly started bus company called Airebus.

When I came back, I was tired from all the walking and since I had little sleep, I fell to sleep almost immediately. Woke up when a friend of my parents came and I went upstairs to watch some videos. I managed to watch 2 episodes of Junkyard Wars; a series which I really love but not had the chance to watch it last time. After that, while waiting for dinner, I tried burning my 2 seasons of Heroes. OMG! I've wasted like 5 DVD+R's burning and still I now only have S1 E1-12 on one disc while the rest either burned unsuccessfully or had trouble reading them. I'm already thinking on whether I should return the Burner back to the distributor and get another one.

At night after dinner, I sat at home and watched another episode before I called Vincent asking him if there were any plans at night. He informed me that he will be attending Jason's open house and so I went not long after that. Gosh there was so much food! Most notably the chocolate fondue is amazing! Not to mention the apple crumble, the bread and butter pudding, the spaghetti, the cupcakes and the big turkey they have. Since I had dinner earlier, I was only able to nibble on the small and light food/snacks. After some chit chatting, I went home stuffed with the wonderful food there. Note to everyone: If you're invited to some makan in Jason's house, don't hesistate. You'll definitely find good food there :)

Updates - Destroyed My DVD Burner

Ok ok, I really apologise for the lack of updates here. There is just so many things to do with higher priorities than bloggine lately. Hehe. Ok it's a bad excuse. Sufficely to say, I've been rather busy. From my previous post, you all know that I've been through some tough times. It just sucked so much out of me. At times I just feel so crappy that the day just goes by without me doing anything. Thankfully, now it's not so tough anymore. I'm slowly regaining momentum and facing life's challenges as I used to be. There is now less days of "no mood larrr" but more of "let's try to finish task a/b/c in a set time". Its gonna take a very very long time to fully get over it I think.

Work has been very demanding lately, but not enough to complain that it sucks. I like the challenge and the strict timeline, but the only problem is that I get too much distractions in the process. As I'm about to start the task, either my MSN will pop up with someone wanting to chat with me or someoen will ask me some questions regarding som problems they encounter with the software/program that they're using/testing.

As a close friend of mine say, "our program is perfect, the problem must be with you". Unfortunately, it's not applicable in this context although there are some times when it does. Haha. Anyway, with the constant help I give to others, I find myself having little time for the task I need to complete. I feel really bad when I have to delay a couple of releases as I really wanted to complete any given task within 80-100% of the allocated time frame.

But all in all, that's not so bad consider that I've received a couple of recognition from my superiors. Over the couple of months, I've collected enough "internal performance points" to redeem myself an 8gb ipod nano (new generation model). It really seems like a nice gift to redeem but is this the lure to the mighty blue Apple? Will I soon be converted to an Apple supporter and end up buying Mac's and laugh at all Microsoft supporters? Hmm... I thought of redeeming it and giving it to someone else but I've not got anyone I'd like to bless cheerfully. Haha. Well maybe I'll save up for the other things. Who knows maybe they'll put up the iPhone for redemption when it hits Malaysia. Ooooo...

Besides work, I've just screwed up my DVD Burner. Thinking that I can utilise my extra DVDRW drive as an external drive. I bought a RM40 external usb-ide cable and connected to my DVDRW. It runs perfectly fine except for the occasional inability to detect the drive when I connect the usb cable. A couple of months back, I decided to keep my laptop on 24/7 and purchased some external fans for cool the laptop down. Using the power adapter, I extended it to connect 2 fans blowing to the laptop.

Unfortunately, the power adapter which came with the RM40 usb-ide cable, only has 3 pins (1,2,x,3) instead of the regular 4 pins (1,2,3,4). The fans uses only 2 pins (1,x,2,x). So I fabricated 3 wires to connect (1,2,x,3) to (1,x,2,3) and voila the fan + DVDRW works. However today, after failing to detect my DVDRW with the USB and after a couple of troubleshooting, I decided to look at my power connectors. When I finished tinkering with it, I switch on the power supply and "boom" the adapter blew up! Apparently, I've inverted it to (3,x,2,1) and boom the adapter fried. I quickly took my DVDRW to my desktop, hooked it up, the drive is detected in BIOS and Windows but I am unable to open/close the drive. Upon using the paperclip to open the tray, slot in a DVD, closed it manually, the drive did not spin up nor blink. Darn it! I just destroyed a perfectly good working DVDRW. Now I think I have to get a new one or just move my operations downstairs. Sigh... Gagh! I need to start burning stuff. I'm running out of hard disk space...

Haha. Sorry for the geek talk. I think I probably lost a couple of my readers here.

As a summary, things a ok-ish but it could have been better. Well, what is not meant to for me will not be mine, while what is meant for me will eventually be mine. Anyway happy birthday to me as today I'm now 22 years old.

On a sleepless Saturday night...

Here is the conversation I had recently when I couldn't sleep. Just wanted to post it so that I don't lose it.

A: Oi! why wake us up in the middle of the night... zzzz...
B: What's up? Something wrong?
Me: Cannot sleep lor.... sigh
B: What can I do for you?
A: Aiyoh, sure about her again...
Me: Haha. Yes...
B: What's up?
A: Need to guess meh?
Me: Haha.. Yea... just feel like crap
B: I thought you've moved on?
A: Told you already still don't want to follow.
B: Oi, give some help la...
A: Help what? He himself don't want to help
B: When love take controls, sometimes ppl don't think straight
Me: I have to agree with 'B'. I just wish that I can unwind everything. I've done quite a number of mistakes to her.
A: Remind me on who's the one being hurt. You or her?
B: Shut up la... Don't have to put salt on the wounds.
A: Wake UP la! It's not going to happen. Just move on
B: Aren't we supposed to help him achieve that?
Me: That would be greatly appreciated
B: We all make mistakes, if she'd forgiven you and you her, what's there to feel guilty
A: She's a bitch!
Me: SHUT UP! OMG! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! She's one of the most perfect girl compare to all that I've met.
A: Just trying to help you move on...
B: I think 'A' should keep quiet for a while. If you look from her point of view, she did nothing wrong. You simply misinterpreted some signals.
Me: Yea guess so. Guess I have to crash and burn this time. I've had enough of living my life in a dream. There is no such thing as happily ever after with some girl. The movies, series and TV all tell lies. There is no fallen star or some one true love waiting.
A: That's why they're called fiction. You really think you can find someone so right/perfect? And you really think that's her? Omg!
Me: Yea.
B: Just let time heal the pain
A: OMG! Time? The last one barely healed. If not, I still think its there. I know three is a good number, but I don't think you can take another man. Bzzzz. You wake me up for this?
B: Aiyah, what to do? You want to condemn him or help him?
A: Tell you what, since you mentioned about the close door policy last time, do just that. Shut the door to everyone. Push people back before they get a chance to hurt you.
B: Hey, how is that going to achieve anything?
A: Well you wouldn't get hurt.
Me: That's kinda true actually. It's not that hard to implement.
B: Don't listen to him. You've been saying that you did not have enough social life. Don't close up just over some small issue.
Me: If everytime I open up, my heart shatters into a billion pieces, no thank you.
A: Tsk tsk tsk. Look at him, collecting all the little pieces together barely able to make it back to one piece.
B: Well that's where we're supposed to help. Unfortunately, I don't have much experience and neither do you, 'A'.
A: I still think they are a waste of time. Focus on your other goals, like you said last time. House, car (s), technology, etc.
B: I used to remember family has a higher precedence than all that.
A: You have to say something to remind him of that right? Now who's helping?
Me: Lol, no need to argue la. I guess 'A' is right. I should pick myself up, do whatever I can and also not forgetting God to help me through this time of trouble.
B: That's the spirit! We'll be helping you too! :) And yea. Sorry to remind you of that, but I really don't think you should not do the close door policy. Alter it a bit so that it's not so closed but rather set guards at your emotions and heart so that its not so open.
Me: Wouldn't that just make me less transparent or less of myself? My idea is that if I don't meet anyone, they won't be hurt but for the people I meet, I open up completely and I expect them to do the same. Just that this time, I think I kinda overstepped my boundaries and expected a bit too much since we kinda barely know each other.
A: All the alarms was blazing. You just shut them off.
B: It won't make you any less transparent. But yea, you did shut the alarms.
Me: Haha yea. Should have paid more attention to that. Really thought it might work. Could have been the pressure from the commitment since it's ending really soon. Everyone has a gf or is getting married.
B: But you know true love waits.
A: Haha.. funny... isn't it time and tide waits for no man.
Me: Hmm.... interesting... but i don't think that works for love. I think that for love to work, it has to be 2 way. If she's never attracted to you, it's going to be difficult, if not impossible as it would seem that you'll be doing all you can to attract her and it will seem that you're trying to buy her love.
B: Ahh, now that you mention it, that's quite true.
Me: So in essence, if you have no looks, money or ambitions to attract someone or turn someone's head, it would probably not work. The only possible way is to have the inner beauty shining out so bright that others will get attracted to it. But it's hard as not many have that and that's why I think it's not going to work out for me.
B: Err... I don't agree the last part. You're way better than that!
A: Just focus on work la.
Me: Guess so... I guess it really ruined my confidence level.
B: All can be build up. Give it some time.
A: Talk about time, I want to sleep already. Omg...
Me: Haha. Me too! I don't want to waste the weekend away man.
B: Just don't think so much. We'll help you.
A: Please don't wake me up this late... zzz
Me: Thanks guys. Pray for me. I'll try not to disturb you. Haha!
B: No probs
Me: I'll post this conversation on the blog ok?
A: Ok.
B: Will it be offensive to some people? 'A' did say something bad about her.
A: I was merely helping him to move on. Ok, I don't mean it anyway.
Me: Well, I think it's ok. I didn't agree on your statement anyway.
B: Well, then I think its ok too. Go ahead.

If you've read the whole conversation, I'll have you know that the whole conversation was created in my head on Saturday night when I couldn't sleep. A and B are just a representation of my conscience.

Oh my, have I gone mad by talking to myself? Will I have a split personality like Gollum/Smeagol? I don't know. God, help me...

Anyway feel free to leave any comments. Just don't leave any destructive comments or say anything bad about her and stuff. Love is always uplifting never destroying.

Updates updates...

My apologies for the long hiatus. Suffice to say, I had quite a rough time over the couple of weeks since the last blog post and its safe to say that things are now getting slightly better.

If you know me well enough, you'll know what i've gone through over the couple of weeks. I really want to take this time to appreciate all of you with all the advice, guidance and encouragement.

Anyway, let's see how I've been doing lately. Well, work has been the same old same old. I’m doing quite well although I now have quite a challenging task to accomplish. I'll try to finish it either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I have to pick up and learn PL/SQL more in depth to complete this task. I hope I'll be able to do it successfully.

Apart from work, I recently watched Stardust and what an amazing movie it is. I usually don't like all the fantasy fantasy show with magic here and magic there but this one is just superb. A balance between fantasy, witty jokes and action and you get a blockbuster. The only problem was that when I was watching it, there weren’t any girl watching with me. It made my friends and I look a little bit 'gay'. But it's alright, the movie is still good! :)

The other interesting thing is that Heroes is now getting more and more interesting. I really recommend everyone to watch it. But if you haven't watch at least season 1, don't start on season 3. I will not put any spoiler here but do watch it. Only problem is that I have to wait weekly to watch it which is kind of annoying. I really hope that they put a proper season break and don't leave us all hanging on a story plot. :)

Anyway that's all I have for now. I hope that I will get better and overcome my problems soon. :) I wish you all the best to all of you in your work, studies, exams and relationships.

A Week to Forget

This whole week blows. People who know me would know that I'm facing a rather tough and challenging moment right now fighting 2 events of pain and disappointment. For the first event, there was post writen earlier about it but was not published due to the sensitivity of the post. Many of you have read it and yes I've decided not to post it till maybe sometime in the future. Thank you for all your inputs. I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, I don't really like hiding secrets or have stuff too personal/sensitive to post so, I will review all your reviews and post it at a later time. For now, i agree that its not appropriate.

Anyway, the second event happened on wednesday after CG where I discovered that my car got stolen! Over the past few days, I've been asking why did it get stolen. I've summed it up in a few reasons:

1) It looks quite new due to the fact that my mom maintains it well
2) There are many workshops in that area and they could use the car as spare parts
3) I didn't lock the steering with a steering lock

I've also wondered what could have prevented it:

1) If I were to change car with my dad's Wira before going CG
2) If I were to park a little closer to my CG leader's house
3) If I were to put on the steering lock
4) If I were to drive the car to mamak instead of taking my friend's car

If any of the steps were taken, it wouldn't happen and I wouldn't feel so bad and it won't be that inconvenient for my whole family now having to only use one car instead of 2. But what is done is done. All I can do now is let the police do what they do (hopefully) and get the car back intact and in pristine condition.

In summary, it has been a very bad week for me. Facing a major problem that has kept me up night after night and my mom's car getting stolen which also has kept me up at night. I just hope I can forget all these things and move on with life.

I would like to end with a hymm to remind myself of what a friend we have in jesus and also to take everything to the Lord in prayer.

What A Friend we Have In Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in Prayer.
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, everything to God in Prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? take it to the Lord in prayer;
in his arms He'll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.