On a sleepless Saturday night...

Here is the conversation I had recently when I couldn't sleep. Just wanted to post it so that I don't lose it.

A: Oi! why wake us up in the middle of the night... zzzz...
B: What's up? Something wrong?
Me: Cannot sleep lor.... sigh
B: What can I do for you?
A: Aiyoh, sure about her again...
Me: Haha. Yes...
B: What's up?
A: Need to guess meh?
Me: Haha.. Yea... just feel like crap
B: I thought you've moved on?
A: Told you already still don't want to follow.
B: Oi, give some help la...
A: Help what? He himself don't want to help
B: When love take controls, sometimes ppl don't think straight
Me: I have to agree with 'B'. I just wish that I can unwind everything. I've done quite a number of mistakes to her.
A: Remind me on who's the one being hurt. You or her?
B: Shut up la... Don't have to put salt on the wounds.
A: Wake UP la! It's not going to happen. Just move on
B: Aren't we supposed to help him achieve that?
Me: That would be greatly appreciated
B: We all make mistakes, if she'd forgiven you and you her, what's there to feel guilty
A: She's a bitch!
Me: SHUT UP! OMG! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! She's one of the most perfect girl compare to all that I've met.
A: Just trying to help you move on...
B: I think 'A' should keep quiet for a while. If you look from her point of view, she did nothing wrong. You simply misinterpreted some signals.
Me: Yea guess so. Guess I have to crash and burn this time. I've had enough of living my life in a dream. There is no such thing as happily ever after with some girl. The movies, series and TV all tell lies. There is no fallen star or some one true love waiting.
A: That's why they're called fiction. You really think you can find someone so right/perfect? And you really think that's her? Omg!
Me: Yea.
B: Just let time heal the pain
A: OMG! Time? The last one barely healed. If not, I still think its there. I know three is a good number, but I don't think you can take another man. Bzzzz. You wake me up for this?
B: Aiyah, what to do? You want to condemn him or help him?
A: Tell you what, since you mentioned about the close door policy last time, do just that. Shut the door to everyone. Push people back before they get a chance to hurt you.
B: Hey, how is that going to achieve anything?
A: Well you wouldn't get hurt.
Me: That's kinda true actually. It's not that hard to implement.
B: Don't listen to him. You've been saying that you did not have enough social life. Don't close up just over some small issue.
Me: If everytime I open up, my heart shatters into a billion pieces, no thank you.
A: Tsk tsk tsk. Look at him, collecting all the little pieces together barely able to make it back to one piece.
B: Well that's where we're supposed to help. Unfortunately, I don't have much experience and neither do you, 'A'.
A: I still think they are a waste of time. Focus on your other goals, like you said last time. House, car (s), technology, etc.
B: I used to remember family has a higher precedence than all that.
A: You have to say something to remind him of that right? Now who's helping?
Me: Lol, no need to argue la. I guess 'A' is right. I should pick myself up, do whatever I can and also not forgetting God to help me through this time of trouble.
B: That's the spirit! We'll be helping you too! :) And yea. Sorry to remind you of that, but I really don't think you should not do the close door policy. Alter it a bit so that it's not so closed but rather set guards at your emotions and heart so that its not so open.
Me: Wouldn't that just make me less transparent or less of myself? My idea is that if I don't meet anyone, they won't be hurt but for the people I meet, I open up completely and I expect them to do the same. Just that this time, I think I kinda overstepped my boundaries and expected a bit too much since we kinda barely know each other.
A: All the alarms was blazing. You just shut them off.
B: It won't make you any less transparent. But yea, you did shut the alarms.
Me: Haha yea. Should have paid more attention to that. Really thought it might work. Could have been the pressure from the commitment since it's ending really soon. Everyone has a gf or is getting married.
B: But you know true love waits.
A: Haha.. funny... isn't it time and tide waits for no man.
Me: Hmm.... interesting... but i don't think that works for love. I think that for love to work, it has to be 2 way. If she's never attracted to you, it's going to be difficult, if not impossible as it would seem that you'll be doing all you can to attract her and it will seem that you're trying to buy her love.
B: Ahh, now that you mention it, that's quite true.
Me: So in essence, if you have no looks, money or ambitions to attract someone or turn someone's head, it would probably not work. The only possible way is to have the inner beauty shining out so bright that others will get attracted to it. But it's hard as not many have that and that's why I think it's not going to work out for me.
B: Err... I don't agree the last part. You're way better than that!
A: Just focus on work la.
Me: Guess so... I guess it really ruined my confidence level.
B: All can be build up. Give it some time.
A: Talk about time, I want to sleep already. Omg...
Me: Haha. Me too! I don't want to waste the weekend away man.
B: Just don't think so much. We'll help you.
A: Please don't wake me up this late... zzz
Me: Thanks guys. Pray for me. I'll try not to disturb you. Haha!
B: No probs
Me: I'll post this conversation on the blog ok?
A: Ok.
B: Will it be offensive to some people? 'A' did say something bad about her.
A: I was merely helping him to move on. Ok, I don't mean it anyway.
Me: Well, I think it's ok. I didn't agree on your statement anyway.
B: Well, then I think its ok too. Go ahead.

If you've read the whole conversation, I'll have you know that the whole conversation was created in my head on Saturday night when I couldn't sleep. A and B are just a representation of my conscience.

Oh my, have I gone mad by talking to myself? Will I have a split personality like Gollum/Smeagol? I don't know. God, help me...

Anyway feel free to leave any comments. Just don't leave any destructive comments or say anything bad about her and stuff. Love is always uplifting never destroying.

Updates updates...

My apologies for the long hiatus. Suffice to say, I had quite a rough time over the couple of weeks since the last blog post and its safe to say that things are now getting slightly better.

If you know me well enough, you'll know what i've gone through over the couple of weeks. I really want to take this time to appreciate all of you with all the advice, guidance and encouragement.

Anyway, let's see how I've been doing lately. Well, work has been the same old same old. I’m doing quite well although I now have quite a challenging task to accomplish. I'll try to finish it either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I have to pick up and learn PL/SQL more in depth to complete this task. I hope I'll be able to do it successfully.

Apart from work, I recently watched Stardust and what an amazing movie it is. I usually don't like all the fantasy fantasy show with magic here and magic there but this one is just superb. A balance between fantasy, witty jokes and action and you get a blockbuster. The only problem was that when I was watching it, there weren’t any girl watching with me. It made my friends and I look a little bit 'gay'. But it's alright, the movie is still good! :)

The other interesting thing is that Heroes is now getting more and more interesting. I really recommend everyone to watch it. But if you haven't watch at least season 1, don't start on season 3. I will not put any spoiler here but do watch it. Only problem is that I have to wait weekly to watch it which is kind of annoying. I really hope that they put a proper season break and don't leave us all hanging on a story plot. :)

Anyway that's all I have for now. I hope that I will get better and overcome my problems soon. :) I wish you all the best to all of you in your work, studies, exams and relationships.

A Week to Forget

This whole week blows. People who know me would know that I'm facing a rather tough and challenging moment right now fighting 2 events of pain and disappointment. For the first event, there was post writen earlier about it but was not published due to the sensitivity of the post. Many of you have read it and yes I've decided not to post it till maybe sometime in the future. Thank you for all your inputs. I really appreciate it. Unfortunately, I don't really like hiding secrets or have stuff too personal/sensitive to post so, I will review all your reviews and post it at a later time. For now, i agree that its not appropriate.

Anyway, the second event happened on wednesday after CG where I discovered that my car got stolen! Over the past few days, I've been asking why did it get stolen. I've summed it up in a few reasons:

1) It looks quite new due to the fact that my mom maintains it well
2) There are many workshops in that area and they could use the car as spare parts
3) I didn't lock the steering with a steering lock

I've also wondered what could have prevented it:

1) If I were to change car with my dad's Wira before going CG
2) If I were to park a little closer to my CG leader's house
3) If I were to put on the steering lock
4) If I were to drive the car to mamak instead of taking my friend's car

If any of the steps were taken, it wouldn't happen and I wouldn't feel so bad and it won't be that inconvenient for my whole family now having to only use one car instead of 2. But what is done is done. All I can do now is let the police do what they do (hopefully) and get the car back intact and in pristine condition.

In summary, it has been a very bad week for me. Facing a major problem that has kept me up night after night and my mom's car getting stolen which also has kept me up at night. I just hope I can forget all these things and move on with life.

I would like to end with a hymm to remind myself of what a friend we have in jesus and also to take everything to the Lord in prayer.

What A Friend we Have In Jesus

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in Prayer.
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, everything to God in Prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? take it to the Lord in prayer;
in his arms He'll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.

My Perth Trip

This post will probably be the longest I've posted ever. Do note that it's quite heavy on the load out as there are quite a number of pictures uploaded. Do take the time to read through the blog and enjoy the pictures as it took much time to sort out the hundreds of pictures taken and upload them here. My apologies if the pictures don't turn out quite well. Most of the pictures are taken from my phone camera and some is from my Nikon Coolpix 5000 digital camera. In addition, this blog have been writen on my phone while I was in my trip so some tense in my sentence may be a little bit confusing.

9 October
I crossed the Singapore border in an Aeroline bus from 1Utama and as it weaves its way around Singapore, I suddenly felt a heavy burden on my heart. I'm not sure what it is as it could be that I'm missing my home, my work, my office mates, my friends or merely not being able to watch 2 episodes of Heroes in my time away.

I've found out that I'll be staying in Singapore for a night before embarking on my journey to Perth at 3.50PM the next day. After watching a couple of episodes of Air Crash Investigations days before the trip, I am very worried that I may not walk out of the trip alive thinking that the plane will crash. I even thought that I will write the final moments of the plane on my phone and seal it in an airtight bag if there were to be any disaster. For dinner, I was wondering if I should have contacted Eileen to meet up or not. In the end, I didn't as I'm with my family and I think I should spend more time with them.

At night, we had dinner in Sushi Tei in Raffle's City Plaza. I strongly recommend the golden roll there. It's really awesome with a layer of mango coating the rice with fried prawns in the middle. We went back to the hotel for a good night rest for the journey tomorrow.

10 October
I had a very restless night. Cramping 3 people on a single queen size bed meant that some of us didn't have much sleep with the constant blanket/comforter moving about on the bed. We again went to Raffle's City Plaza for brunch at Food Junction food court. The fried black carrot cake there is really delicious.

We left for the airport shortly and as I got on the plane I hoped that Perth is good or better than staying at home or else we would be wasting a load of cash and time for something we could see on Google Earth and Wikipedia.

My flight to Perth via Tiger Airways

I arrived at Perth at 9PM and the temperature was very cold. At night while we slept, the temperature dropped to 8 degrees and I couldn't get much sleep. I was saying that this is not what I have in mind for a holiday. 2 nights without much sleep is a bit too much!

11 October
We woke up and had breakfast before taking a walk around the neighbourhood with my uncle's dog. Later we went to King's Park for a little sightseeing. The flowers were amazingly beautiful! How I wish to share that sight with someone I like/care about. The beautiful flowers with the cool wind brushing through the skin and overlooking the city far away.

King's Park Memorial

Some blue wildflowers

Some red wildflowers

Some flowers in the Japanese Garden

More flowers in the Japanese Garden

An odd coloured looking tree

A fountain in the middle of King's Park

We left for AQWA (Aquarium of Western Australia) to see the marine life on display there. It is relatively similar to the one in Langkawi's but I get to see the seals and many other species not seen in Malaysia. I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Rockfish disguising itself

A shark!!! RUN!!!

A Seal

Jellyfishes

12 October
I woke up at about 9 and had breakfast. We left to Perth City after that. My uncle parked at King's Park and walked down the infamous Jacob's ladder to hitch a free bus ride to London Court. I bought a couple of souvenirs there and walked about in that area. We had lunch in a pancake restaurant in Cavillion's Place. After that, we went to a market and bought some nuts and strawberries.

Jacob's Ladder

After watching the sunset, we went to have dinner in Cincerello's which is famous for its Fish and Chips. We ordered a little bit too much as each dish comes with too much fries. In the end, we ate all the fish and seafood but left a load of fries as we're too full to consume it.

Watching the sunset on the beach

13 October
My uncle cooked bacons for breakfast and it was awesome. Had a chance to watch Heroes episode 3 as my cousin got the episode from a friend. YATTA!!! (Note: At this point onwards, I was very happy as I really wanted to watch Heroes)

We later went to Point Walter's for a short picnic there. It’s a place where there is a sort of beach on a river where people can come and have a picnic there. There is a 500 meters sand bank which extends from the land to the river. I walked on it and it took us about 30mins to walk to the end and come back.

The beach on a river

Some seagulls

Black Swans are only found in Perth

14 October
I went to Caversham Wildlife Part to view the Australian wildlife there. In there, we get to feed the kangaroos, touch the wombat as well as the koalas there. I'll let the pictures explain it. It is said that the Caversham Wildlife Park is better than the Perth Zoo itself.

A peacock with its wings extended

Feeding a kangaroo

A sleeping koala waiting to strike!

A Koala on top of a tree

At night we had an amazing dinner in Nicholson's Bar and Grill. They serve really good, cheap and big portion food. It was really delicious.

15 October
Today is quite a boring-ish day as we did mostly shopping for the whole day. We went to Harbourtown for shoppipng. Had lunch in a Japanese restaurant called Shimizu. The Chicken Teriyaki is not bad.

Later, we went to Garden City for more shopping and had tea in Miss Maud's. The pastry there is relatively good but nothing much to boast about. Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to try out much stuff as they were closing when we're there.

16 October
We went fishing at Point Walter's and I was very excited as it was my first time getting my hands at fishing. We bought the bait, attached it to the rod and as my brother fling the rod; the hook went one side of the water and the bait another side of the water. We were laughing at the sight of that and after several tries, he got it working and later when I got my hands on it, I had many unsuccessful tries but eventually after the whole thing, I caught about 3 fishes. Unfortunately, they were all blowfish and we had to throw them back to the river.

We packed our bags and prepared to leave for Singapore. I learned that the plane will be arriving Singapore at 2.30 AM and that my bus to KL is at 10AM. We spent about 6 hours in the Singapore airport walking about, waiting for Mcdonald's breakfast and tried to sleep inside. We eventually reach KL at 3PM.

Overall, it was a good trip with a couple of small snags at the start, but in the end I said it was worthwhile.

Updates...

My apologies for the long break from the last post. To be frank, I'ts been a rather strange past few weeks. Again, the strange feelings hit me again. Questions like 'Am I good enough?', 'Did I do something wrong?', 'What could I have done to change it' bombarded me over the past few days. It all ends in one answer. The boundaries cannot be violated, neither can take any more steps forward and I'm asking a little bit too much.

Besides that, work is so far good. I really like it there and I do hope to be able to excel more and be more zealous in climbing up the ladder. My target is still clear. It might only take a little bit more time, but I surely do hope to see it come true.

In other news, I'll be going to Perth, Australia on Tuesday 9 October. I'll be away for approximately 9 days to have a short holiday with my parents there. As much as I like to stay at home, it's been a while since we had a family holiday; the last being in 2002. During the holiday, I'll be missing 2 episodes of Heroes of which will be airing on Tuesdays weekly. In addition, I'll also miss the French WRC event over the weekend. Sigh!

I do hope I'll be able to post some pics when I'm back. Do pray that I will be back safely. I've been watching too much Air Crash Investigations and I'm a little worried on getting onboard a plane. Especially one which airline I've known little about; "Tiger Airways". I don't like the idea of budget airlines nor the fact that I'll be travelling in the wee hours of the night/morning. I do hope they'll have plenty of rest and proper checkings on the planes else this would be the last entry from me. Well, I do hope it won't be the case. See you all in a week ++.