My Past Logs

In a recent cleanup of my room, I found my log book (aka my diary) after 5 years I started it. I thought I lost it when I tried to hide it. Found it in one of the Fizik SPM books. When I was young, I never really believed in the phrase "One day, you will look back this day and laugh". But it really happened when I read the logs on the book. I henceforth decided to blog it down. It's going to be long so do read them when you're free. Anyway, here it is :)

22 Jan 2002
This is the first log ever recorded. The day went on smoothly as it always has. I came back from school and had Char Siew Rice for lunch. I had a dream of my dream girl getting married to a close friend. The flashes from the dream have continued. I wonder when it will end. Went tuition from 4 - 6. Since my mom came early, I couldn't get the chance to communicate with others.

23 Jan 2002
Today school was boring but we managed to use the IT Lab. The computer which I am using is giving me a lot of problems which disappoints me. The dream is still having effects on me. Went tuition from 4 - 5.30. Came back and watched TV. After that, I did 3 Add Maths questions. School - Tuition - Homework. Is that all in life?

24 Jan 2002
Today, school seemed longer than it used to be. The homework given is almost impossible to complete. I now have 2 hours to complete it after penning this down. It seems that Lemuel has asked me to pass a message to Liz saying that he liked her. Tuition today was a little boring as I have already learned what he was teaching. Gosh, he's so slow. But its good as it reinforces what I've already learnt.

26 Jan 2002
Yesterday, school was quite good. During a Kimia Test, I scored 9/10. It felt good. However I Was disappointed when there is no IT. It was replaced with Kimia. Bleh! CF was quite tiring. Carrying all those speakers up and then down. After that, I went to Jason's house and played Liero. We also had a little talk about our own philosophy. Oh by the way, I managed to pass the message to Liz and chatted with her online.

Today however was good till evening. I Went wih Lem to the doctor for him to get a jab. After his jab, we ate lunch together. I went to his house later to do my homework. After that we played Liero. We reached church at 4.45. Lem went off early as he had to have dinner with his uncle who came from overseas. After CG, I asked Ming Ern to fetch me home after the church service. It was a surprise to see Liz in the same car being fetched back as well.

27 Jan 2002
Today seems to go normal. I watched a couple of movies on Astro. At 6.30 we went to Sam's place for house blessing. Many people from my dad's Zone turned up. Liz, Lem, Jeremy, Lydia and Lyvia were all there. I Managed to tell Lem that I still like her. He was kinda jealous when I sat with her on the same table. He later said he will back off. I Played Monopoly for a while till there were only 2 players left. I went down and left shortly after that. Saw Liz online and I chatted with her till 12.30 about life.

28 Jan 2002
Woke up and finished the Star Trek Armada 2 game. The ending was crappy. Had lunch with Lem in Taman Megah. While his mom went and bought bakery stuff, I managed to talk to him about Liz. He passed me another paper which says he wants to start a relationship with her. I went home and started to download a MTV of which Tim wanted. Liz came online and I told/pass her the message from Lem. Later I got a call about Christine Ong's birthday party at her house. It was in that place where I first played this game called Mafia...

29 Jan 2002
Today was ok and made better when our Kimia teacher did not enter class. We did a summary for BM and passed it up on the spot. Nothing really happened today :)

30 Jan 2002
Today was ok but when it was recess time, I suddenly felt extremely sleepy. During IT today, I finally managed to finish my Library program. However there is still the bug of borrowing the same book unlimitted times. I must be having stress as I went Mr Goey's tuition only to find out its wednesday. It is English tuition and not Add Math tuition.

3 Feb 2002
After 3 days away from home, I am finally able to write this log. I was in Penang for my grandfather's funeral. I missed my add math tuition, school and CF on Friday. I just came back from dinner with Lem. It seems that he is advancing further into trying to get Liz. I on the other side is trying to stop him from advancing any further. I think he is really into it...

4 Feb 2002
Today, school was tiring. This is because during PJK, we had to run 8 laps consecutively. That's about 800m. Later when I got home, I told Lem over the phone that Liz received 6 flowers from various different guys. I told Lem that the competition is going to be tough. However he said next year when he transfers to my school, he'll advance into full gear in an attempt to chase her. I wrote an email to Liz warning her of the incoming advances. As long as I'm still her friend, I'll try to guide her as much as possible so that she'll not be influenced to the dark side.

5 Feb 2002
We had 2 free periods today but Kimia is a little fast paced today. It seems that I have adapted to Form 5 life although it’s a little tough at times. I called Lem to as a few things about Liz. He said something about not starting a relationship with her. Did I get the wrong message? Or is he too busy playing some computer game?

I was given a set of songs to play for CF by Sue Min. I have practiced a few songs and I hope I'll do well in CF.

6 Feb 2002
School was boring with all the Sastera stuff. In IT, we were supposed to do some Excel exercise but I was busy rushing to finish my VB Library program. I hope I'll finish on time to pass up on Friday

7 Feb 2002
Today during lunchtime; I managed to ask Lem to clarify some stuff. It seems that what he told me or passed to me was a joke. He was totally joking about him starting a relationship with Liz. He said he was doing some survey. The strange thing is that he said he really likes Liz but also added that now is not the right time.

18 Feb 2002
Spent a week in Penang and since my brother is back, I didn’t write any logs. The Lemuel case has been solved. One problem came out from all that though. It stirred up my feelings for her which I tried so much to suppress. I thought I've got over her already. It seems that I like her more now. But the commitment and studies is the only thing stopping me from taking another step. However on the 16th, I saw Liz dancing up on stage for the first time. Gosh, she looked really beautiful up there.

20 Feb 2002
I finally managed to pass up my IT project after the project dateline got extended. It seems there were some other people whose project is better than mine.

24 Feb 2002
I was lazy to report the logs for the past few days. Today, Lem sent me a file which is a list of girls he likes. After looking at it, I suddenly felt lonely. Who are my friends? I feel that I'm losing Lem as a friend. My parents think that I have no friends because I'm selfish. I think differently though.

3 Mar 2002
Well its been a few days since the last log as I was busy with work. Nothing much to log down. All I know is that my relationship with Lem is breaking up. He seems to be with Sam all the time. Plus they keep talking about Rockman, Marvel Vs Capcom and some other PlayStation games.

23 Mar 2002
Its been almost a month since the last log as I was busy preparing for exams. Now its over and so far, no failures. Here is what I got

BM: 63
BI: 64
Mat: 60/90
Sej: 42
Moral: 87
Ki: 49
Fiz: 39/90
AddMat: 76
IT: 74

24 Mar 2002
Today, we swapped class with 5 Batai as one of the students in their class broke her leg. So now we have to climb 3 flights of steps to go to my class. Anyway, my feeling for Liz is getting stronger. Lem thinks that by knowing her favourite song (O Town - All or Nothing), he knows more than me.

29 Mar 2002
CF was held in the hall today. Paul brought some boxes of new wires which was good as its long enough for the stage. We had a play in CF and she was acting in it. Gosh she looked really beautiful in that white blouse and black skirt. I feel that Lem is not really backing off. I'll henceforth be on yellow alert to keep an eye out on him

8 Apr 2002
School was good. We got our class back. Finally back on ground floor. I've just got my approval to go for the CF camp. I started to write a story but it got stalled as there were some plot complications.

"If you change yourself to suite others, you stop being yourself"

13 Apr 2002
Sports day. Right after perbarisan, an Unggul cheerleader fainted. She regained consciousness and did quite a good job. No mistakes. Well at least this year there wasn't any crazy stuff like last year. I will never forget what was done to her last year. Anyway, Unggul won this year with 24 golds.

"One problem could destroy a strong friendship which was built long ago"

27 Apr 2002
Today time went by pretty quick. Vincent and Yi Khai came over and instead of studying; we played PC Games and watched Joe Satriani video clips. In church, she was dancing. I just have this strange feeling for her when I see here up on stage. Why is it that every time I look at her I have this strange feeling? I keep telling myself, if she can treat me as a friend, why can't i do the same?

"Past memories aren't easy to forget but easy to remember"
"A friend is someone who walks in when the whole world walks out on you"
"Why does most of my friendships started off good but ending badly?"


17 May 2002
More than 2 weeks has passed since the last log. Anyway, today I had Kimia exam and it’s actually easier than I thought. It seems that she's getting prettier by the day. In addition to that, there are about 10 people having a crush on her.

From Elizabeth to Liza to Liz to Lizzie. So many derivations of that name.

"To score in exams, all you need is a boost in confidence"

6 July 2002
It's been a long time since the last log. Exams, Gerak Gempur and the fact that my brother was around stopped me from writing my logs. I've decided that I will not pursue her anymore. I'll have to live with the feelings and hope that time heals all pains. The email for her is almost complete. Need to recheck and reread it a few more times to make sure its easy to understand.

14 July 2002
I've completed the message and sent it to her. Its almost a week now but still have no reply. I wonder if she has read it or not. I hope she did. Anyway, my entire study system is not working and I have now devised a new one. Maximum knowledge and minimum time. My second story is complete and I've named it "Battle for Freedom"


16 July 2002
I came to realise that whatever I do, Lem follows me and tries to get ahead of me. I like Liz and he likes her. I did VB Programming and he too did. I play the guitar, he too does. And now I write stories and he too started his own. In everything he follows, he'll show that he's better than me. Well, we'll see if he manage to get her.

Some collected philosophies:

1. If you abandon your principles, you stop becoming yourself
   
2. Superstition is the religion of fools
   
3. Bad company corrupts good character
   
4. People who don't do well in studies are not failures
   
5. Always have many friends. Each friend is another way out of troubles.

24 July 2002
She finally has read the mail. She thanked me for the advice. I hope that she did not read it the wrong way and get insulted. I hope that everything is fine with her and that she'll be happy every time. If she's happy, I'm happy.

26 Jan 2003
It’s been a year since this log book has started. Its still holidays after SPM as college starts on 10 Feb 2003. I thought Lem has stopped his advances but after mixing around with Mark Ong, he seems to have found the skills to approach her. He said "As long as I get close to her I am happy". He has a folder with her name on his desktop. I wonder what's inside. Oh well, it’s now up to her to choose. It’s time to forget all these things and see what up ahead in life. Perhaps there will be someone better for me?

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Thats it for the log book. Didn't really finish the pages on the book it was in. I really can look back through all these experiences and laugh at it. Now after 5 years, I can safely say that I have mended that relationship with Lem and no, he is not chasing Liz and neither am I. I'm glad that things turn up good for me since then. With new friends, and colleagues, I don't find myself that lonely anymore. I'm still looking for "the one" and hope to find one soon :)

Anyway, my intention of posting this log is so that I will still have a backup of it if the log book is lost or destroyed. In addition to that, I hope it helps my readers to know a little bit more about me and my past. I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time to read through the logs.