On a sleepless Saturday night...

Here is the conversation I had recently when I couldn't sleep. Just wanted to post it so that I don't lose it.

A: Oi! why wake us up in the middle of the night... zzzz...
B: What's up? Something wrong?
Me: Cannot sleep lor.... sigh
B: What can I do for you?
A: Aiyoh, sure about her again...
Me: Haha. Yes...
B: What's up?
A: Need to guess meh?
Me: Haha.. Yea... just feel like crap
B: I thought you've moved on?
A: Told you already still don't want to follow.
B: Oi, give some help la...
A: Help what? He himself don't want to help
B: When love take controls, sometimes ppl don't think straight
Me: I have to agree with 'B'. I just wish that I can unwind everything. I've done quite a number of mistakes to her.
A: Remind me on who's the one being hurt. You or her?
B: Shut up la... Don't have to put salt on the wounds.
A: Wake UP la! It's not going to happen. Just move on
B: Aren't we supposed to help him achieve that?
Me: That would be greatly appreciated
B: We all make mistakes, if she'd forgiven you and you her, what's there to feel guilty
A: She's a bitch!
Me: SHUT UP! OMG! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! She's one of the most perfect girl compare to all that I've met.
A: Just trying to help you move on...
B: I think 'A' should keep quiet for a while. If you look from her point of view, she did nothing wrong. You simply misinterpreted some signals.
Me: Yea guess so. Guess I have to crash and burn this time. I've had enough of living my life in a dream. There is no such thing as happily ever after with some girl. The movies, series and TV all tell lies. There is no fallen star or some one true love waiting.
A: That's why they're called fiction. You really think you can find someone so right/perfect? And you really think that's her? Omg!
Me: Yea.
B: Just let time heal the pain
A: OMG! Time? The last one barely healed. If not, I still think its there. I know three is a good number, but I don't think you can take another man. Bzzzz. You wake me up for this?
B: Aiyah, what to do? You want to condemn him or help him?
A: Tell you what, since you mentioned about the close door policy last time, do just that. Shut the door to everyone. Push people back before they get a chance to hurt you.
B: Hey, how is that going to achieve anything?
A: Well you wouldn't get hurt.
Me: That's kinda true actually. It's not that hard to implement.
B: Don't listen to him. You've been saying that you did not have enough social life. Don't close up just over some small issue.
Me: If everytime I open up, my heart shatters into a billion pieces, no thank you.
A: Tsk tsk tsk. Look at him, collecting all the little pieces together barely able to make it back to one piece.
B: Well that's where we're supposed to help. Unfortunately, I don't have much experience and neither do you, 'A'.
A: I still think they are a waste of time. Focus on your other goals, like you said last time. House, car (s), technology, etc.
B: I used to remember family has a higher precedence than all that.
A: You have to say something to remind him of that right? Now who's helping?
Me: Lol, no need to argue la. I guess 'A' is right. I should pick myself up, do whatever I can and also not forgetting God to help me through this time of trouble.
B: That's the spirit! We'll be helping you too! :) And yea. Sorry to remind you of that, but I really don't think you should not do the close door policy. Alter it a bit so that it's not so closed but rather set guards at your emotions and heart so that its not so open.
Me: Wouldn't that just make me less transparent or less of myself? My idea is that if I don't meet anyone, they won't be hurt but for the people I meet, I open up completely and I expect them to do the same. Just that this time, I think I kinda overstepped my boundaries and expected a bit too much since we kinda barely know each other.
A: All the alarms was blazing. You just shut them off.
B: It won't make you any less transparent. But yea, you did shut the alarms.
Me: Haha yea. Should have paid more attention to that. Really thought it might work. Could have been the pressure from the commitment since it's ending really soon. Everyone has a gf or is getting married.
B: But you know true love waits.
A: Haha.. funny... isn't it time and tide waits for no man.
Me: Hmm.... interesting... but i don't think that works for love. I think that for love to work, it has to be 2 way. If she's never attracted to you, it's going to be difficult, if not impossible as it would seem that you'll be doing all you can to attract her and it will seem that you're trying to buy her love.
B: Ahh, now that you mention it, that's quite true.
Me: So in essence, if you have no looks, money or ambitions to attract someone or turn someone's head, it would probably not work. The only possible way is to have the inner beauty shining out so bright that others will get attracted to it. But it's hard as not many have that and that's why I think it's not going to work out for me.
B: Err... I don't agree the last part. You're way better than that!
A: Just focus on work la.
Me: Guess so... I guess it really ruined my confidence level.
B: All can be build up. Give it some time.
A: Talk about time, I want to sleep already. Omg...
Me: Haha. Me too! I don't want to waste the weekend away man.
B: Just don't think so much. We'll help you.
A: Please don't wake me up this late... zzz
Me: Thanks guys. Pray for me. I'll try not to disturb you. Haha!
B: No probs
Me: I'll post this conversation on the blog ok?
A: Ok.
B: Will it be offensive to some people? 'A' did say something bad about her.
A: I was merely helping him to move on. Ok, I don't mean it anyway.
Me: Well, I think it's ok. I didn't agree on your statement anyway.
B: Well, then I think its ok too. Go ahead.

If you've read the whole conversation, I'll have you know that the whole conversation was created in my head on Saturday night when I couldn't sleep. A and B are just a representation of my conscience.

Oh my, have I gone mad by talking to myself? Will I have a split personality like Gollum/Smeagol? I don't know. God, help me...

Anyway feel free to leave any comments. Just don't leave any destructive comments or say anything bad about her and stuff. Love is always uplifting never destroying.

Updates updates...

My apologies for the long hiatus. Suffice to say, I had quite a rough time over the couple of weeks since the last blog post and its safe to say that things are now getting slightly better.

If you know me well enough, you'll know what i've gone through over the couple of weeks. I really want to take this time to appreciate all of you with all the advice, guidance and encouragement.

Anyway, let's see how I've been doing lately. Well, work has been the same old same old. I’m doing quite well although I now have quite a challenging task to accomplish. I'll try to finish it either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I have to pick up and learn PL/SQL more in depth to complete this task. I hope I'll be able to do it successfully.

Apart from work, I recently watched Stardust and what an amazing movie it is. I usually don't like all the fantasy fantasy show with magic here and magic there but this one is just superb. A balance between fantasy, witty jokes and action and you get a blockbuster. The only problem was that when I was watching it, there weren’t any girl watching with me. It made my friends and I look a little bit 'gay'. But it's alright, the movie is still good! :)

The other interesting thing is that Heroes is now getting more and more interesting. I really recommend everyone to watch it. But if you haven't watch at least season 1, don't start on season 3. I will not put any spoiler here but do watch it. Only problem is that I have to wait weekly to watch it which is kind of annoying. I really hope that they put a proper season break and don't leave us all hanging on a story plot. :)

Anyway that's all I have for now. I hope that I will get better and overcome my problems soon. :) I wish you all the best to all of you in your work, studies, exams and relationships.