A Little Bit About My Upbringing

Recently I've been flooded with lots of emotions ranging from love to disappointment and to sadness. Probably one of those phase again where I'm just emo-ing. I know its not good to be pessimistic about myself and all, but sometimes it just happens. I would like to take this opportunity to share a little bit about my upbringing.

When I was in form 2 or 3, I have a friend who started drawing a comic on Starcraft. I saw that it was quite interesting and thought that I would try to make one myself. Although I may lack the drawing skills, its about the story that matters. I took a few A4 papers, folded them in 2 and stapled them to make it a book. Upon completing my homework that day, I started drawing bit by bit. I sucked at drawing and hence drew 2d images instead of 3d or perspective drawing. So everything is stickman-ish and very plain. However, the main plot is the story and as I was about to conclude the whole story; while drawing the nuclear symbol with my compass, my mom stepped in and saw me using the compass and came over to see me doing my comic. Without looking at it I was scolded and was asked to throw the whole thing away and to study. It was about 10 pages long and down it went to the rubbish bin. There goes the chance to improve my art skills, yay!

With the constant drill to study everyday, there is little time or chance to expand or try or do other things. There is little to no opportunity to find out what I like to do or what I'm good at. I know that I'm a little lazy sometimes idling time away but if you look at it, if I'm expected to study, what can I do on the free times? Any activity will take time and hence you'll get the "Go Study Now!!" phrase from parents. Thankfully I actually had a talent in programming and computers that I was able to complete the Computer Science course. If not, I really do not know what I would end up.

Another thing I would like to share is the lack of support and encouragement. There are countless times when I would come home and report some of the problems I faced in school. One of the examples is when I had a fight in school with some kid. I tell them that and the first thing they would say is that "Oh it must have been your fault" or "You must have started it or aggravated him". Without even hearing the whole story and to know that most of the time it was the other guy who started hitting me first, they would say those phrases and not show the attention or give the support that I was seeking for. I mean even if I'm wrong, at least I expect them to support me and say it in a positive way like "Oh maybe he's having a bad day that’s why he hit you".

I don't really blame my parents for all these since they do have their good points and also because "it’s for your own good" which is sometimes quite true. Oh well, just wished that I did have that support and sometimes how I wish I can relive the past and try to change who I am today. Anyway, it’s only a phase of time. I will eventually forget about this and go on with life. I just hope that I don't remember this that often.